Desperate Monkey Reaching out for life raft
你好WSO社区，我从未在在线论坛上发布建议，但没有人可以谈论我的困境，而真正地需要帮助。关于我的一点...我一直保持我的精神疾病（双极1，多动症和学习障碍的混合）我一生的秘密，并发现在学者和实习期间都可以在学术和实习方面脱颖而出。我从来没有能够处理新信息，阅读，学习，多任务，并专注于公共场所，这使得工作和学习floor a never ending nightmare.
All through my life in school, I failed to process any new knowledge in the classroom and would spend weekends and holidays getting ahead before falling behind in class. I outworked all my piers and scarified much of my childhood to graduate valedictorian of my class, taking 10 APs . Prior to college, my family had a team of 5 tutors that also helped me play catchup every week. Got into top 20 university from nontarget city and applied to 200+ financial institutions and luckily received an internship offer in S&T at prominentMM。远程工作来回在平静安静的环境m home during the pandemic, I was able to hide my learning disability and outwork my piers in competitive internship by loading up on Adderall and working 110 hours each week for 2 months. Ultimately I received a return offer to a full time S&T rotational program . I would write everything down in training calls and review and review until I had it down pat next time I spoke with senior coworkers. Now I am in the office on the trading floor as an analyst and find myself in a coma every day after work from the constant pings from the terminal, flashing tv screens, a convoluted mixture of shouts, pranks and antics, and serious client pitches around me. By the end of the day, I have no energy to learn and review all the topics i misunderstood. The solution i found in college and my virtual internship, boosting up on stimulants, worked in a stable environment, but on the trading floor ... causes sensory overload and makes me incredibly anxious.
我已经对朋友的同事和人力资源保密了我的精神疾病秘密，但不确定我是否可以再保密。我正处于崩溃的边缘，害怕从压力中浮现出一集。如果我与人力资源或同事分享我正在经历的事情，那么我冒着从码头排斥的风险，并歧视潜在的改组or on chopping block to be fired until I give them a suitable reason. I've thought about trying to make a move internally toIB卑诗省的环境可能更有利于安静和结构化的气氛较少触发，但考虑到我目前的角色并不擅长，并且被认为是一个退出机会，因此似乎很难宣传。我已经想到了我可以采取的所有路线，但固定不安。我应该怎么办？我应该分享我的现实而不是心理健康吗？或两者？根本没有并粗暴地解决吗？我觉得每个人都注意到我在挣扎，但对我来说不会真实。
How do you manage mental illness in the office space and still excel at a high level? Do you have any stories of friends or family that have navigated through similar circumstances?
Plz help. Any mental health resources & advice greatly appreciated. I am desperate
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